According "The Good Wife's Guide" a wife (woman) is suppose to be submissive, seen and not heard, she is not to complain, she is suppose to be cheerful and full of joy 24/7, the peace keeper between the husband and children. She is to maintain control at all times over the household and herself, she is the nanny, the cook, and the maid. However that was back in the 1950's, when the article was written. Now in today's time with the economy at it's lowest; men and women are getting laid off their jobs, two incomes are required in the household, yet that seems to be the only thing that has changed in the last sixty years. Wives are still to maintain the household, keep peace, and know her place, and the husband still gets to go to work come home and unwind, while the wife cooks his meal (mostly in a slow cooker or crock pot so it is ready when he returns home), makes sure the children are bathed and homework is done. She still does the house cleaning, the laundry, and expected to tend to her husbands every need and desire. But what happens when the wife gets tired, and agitated? What happens when she is frustrated and needs peace and tranquility? Is she still to remain calm, quiet, and never complain. Domestic Violence has been on the hush hush because this is the way that little girls have been raised by their mothers. To be in compliance with whatever the husband decides. So when the shit hits the fan and she misses a fraction of a detail, then what? Because she has been told by the generations before her, to shut up and do whatever it takes to keep the peace, it gets swept under the carpet until the next episode. After all through life experiences we have learned that if nothing is done about it, if no one stands up for what is right, the violence goes around in one big cycle and each time the wheel turns it get worst and worst.
Excuses are made to cover up the unbelieveable stories of what the real truth is. Women, in turn, then tend to lose themselves in the midst of this all and mighty tug of war of becoming the breadwinner or c0-breadwinner and "the good wife". Clarkson talks about a woman from Congo who lives every day in the fight for her life and self worth. Her husband has turned away from her after she had been raped from soldier men, as if to blame her for letting it happen, when in the end of the day he fled, leaving her helpless and did nothing to protect her. Crenshaw, bring attention to women of color, mostly immigrant women, who fall into the intersectionality of politics. The fact that they have two categories in which they fall into that puts them between a rock and a hard place. Immigrant women who are in fear of being deported back to a country in which they fled unless they marry a citizen of the United States of America, making them easy prey for a domestically violent situation. Threats of sending them back if they choose to leave the relationship or reporting any type of abuse. "The evidence required to support a waiver can include, but is not limited to, reports and affidavits from police, medical personnel, psychologists, school officials, and social service agencies. For many immigrant women, limited access to these resources can make it difficult to obtain the evidence needed for a waiver." ( IWS pg. 201) In this complicating gender war we also find cultural differences also that makes it so easy for the perpetrator to get away with such violence. As Asians, it is in their culture to stay with the family no matter what, to be submissive to their husbands and generations and generations of siblings live in the same household. While women have their role and men have theirs. http://www.endabuse.org/userfiles/file/ImmigrantWomen/UnheardVoices.pdf
Allison on the other hand was a different story, where her abuse happened as a child and that as she got older, she became stronger and fought back. "At sixteen, I jumped free and turned to face him. 'You can't break me,' I told him. 'And you're not ever going to touch me again.' It was a story to tell myself, a promise." (Allison, pg. 68)
Sticks and stones may break my bones but you have broken my spirit, my self-esteem, and my self-worth. Domestic Violence does more than bruise and breaks bones. It breaks spirits, self-esteem, and the worth of a woman.
I like when you talk about raising girls to behave a certain way. It makes me see how boys and girls are the victims. The roles we cast for our sons and daughters leave an indelible mark that influences the men and women they become. The excuses that women have to make for being beaten occur so much more frequently then men making excuses for why they beat women. It is seen as horrible in our society but it goes without needing an explanation especially when little boys get in fights or commit other acts of "benign" violence.
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