When The Last Piece You Hold Doesn't Fit To Complete The Puzzle

"One more push" the doctor says as a woman is laying on the hospital bed and her husband, partner, or significant other is standing beside her, supporting her, as if a cheerleader on the sidelines encouraging their team to make a mark on the scoreboard. The woman is exhausted and just when she feels she can't go on any more out comes a healthy, beautiful, baby that she has been carrying for approximately nine months; but then looks of confusion are on every ones face and the mother wonders "what's wrong with my baby". The doctor says well nothing but we don't know what it is. How does a parent deal with this type of reaction and then how to process what to do, for the best interest in the child. A female with an enlarged clitoris, or, a male with a small penis? These are not questions that are asked about the infant but rather about the adolescent, or the adult that is about to engage in their first serious relationship. I have heard of these gruesome stories about vaginal mutilation and that the doctors make the decisions for these infants when they have no voice to speak up for what they want. Parents try to make the best decision possible for the future of their children, because there is nothing worse than a child that is teased and ridiculed for something they had no control over. Female masculinity happens more often than what most are admitting to. When I was ten years old I was the biggest tomboy on the face of the earth. I had an older brother and surrounded by boys in my neighborhood. I had no choice but to join them, because I sure couldn't beat them. I was not known to be intersexed nor am I today. I was just a girl that likes to participate in boy activities if I wanted to live a normal life and be a normal active pre-teen. It wasn't until I reached junior high school that I started making other female friends and when I turned eighteen that was when I actually started wearing more feminine looking clothes and doing my hair and makeup, and actually looking like a female, or what society considered a female. I can remember over hearing my mother asking my brother if he thought that I was a lesbian because I never talked about liking any boys or all I did was play softball or basketball with them and that was it. Needless to say that if my mother had only come directly to me, I would have told her something like this. "No mom, I'm not a lesbian, I like boys very much and do find some of them to be cute. But they are more interested in having sex with me rather than knowing exactly who I am on the inside, and I'm just not ready for that." If that conversation would have gone on then the conversation of whether I am having sex or not (when the doctor put me on birth control to regulate my menstrual cycle) wouldn't have come up either.Why is that we always have to go by societies rule book and not just do what comes naturally. The last time I checked the only one that has the right to judge me for the decisions I make is Jesus Christ himself. Nobody in society laid upon a cross to forgive me so why should we have to go by what society says. What someone’s perspective on what is normal and what isn't is vague and changed day to day. We are supposed to be privileged and unearned advantage, to live in a country that is so diverse, yet is run to be so structured. Just because the majority of society says that something is not normal, does not mean that everyone else needs to follow suit. "Each person should have the right to choose between pink and blue tinted gender categories, as well as all the other hues of the palette. At this moment in time, that right is denied to us. But together, we could make it a reality." (Feinberg, pg. 1) Why can't we just be the female or male that dwells within us without having to conform to society? This does not make any sense living in America, LAND OF THE FREE, and still living by societies play book. The doctor that turned away Feinberg because he assumed she was a troubled person should be banned from working in any hospital, as I am sure that this is against the code of ethics according to the doctor’s board. Whatever happened to bedside manner, and you cannot tell me that this would be the first that he has ran into anything that he seemed to be "unusual" in his site. Trans liberation gives us a broader spectrum of ideals to live by that allow us to be truly who we are and not what society dictates to us that we are.

"Your individual journey to express yourself is shunted into one of two deeply carved ruts, and the social baggage you are handed is already packed." (Feinberg, pg. 6) "This movement will give you more room to breathe-to be yourself. To discover on a deeper level what it means to be yourself." (Feinberg, pg. 6)

When Domestic Violence Becomes a Plague Rather Than an Opportunity to Save a Life

According "The Good Wife's Guide" a wife (woman) is suppose to be submissive, seen and not heard, she is not to complain, she is suppose to be cheerful and full of joy 24/7, the peace keeper between the husband and children. She is to maintain control at all times over the household and herself, she is the nanny, the cook, and the maid. However that was back in the 1950's, when the article was written. Now in today's time with the economy at it's lowest; men and women are getting laid off their jobs, two incomes are required in the household, yet that seems to be the only thing that has changed in the last sixty years. Wives are still to maintain the household, keep peace, and know her place, and the husband still gets to go to work come home and unwind, while the wife cooks his meal (mostly in a slow cooker or crock pot so it is ready when he returns home), makes sure the children are bathed and homework is done. She still does the house cleaning, the laundry, and expected to tend to her husbands every need and desire. But what happens when the wife gets tired, and agitated? What happens when she is frustrated and needs peace and tranquility? Is she still to remain calm, quiet, and never complain. Domestic Violence has been on the hush hush because this is the way that little girls have been raised by their mothers. To be in compliance with whatever the husband decides. So when the shit hits the fan and she misses a fraction of a detail, then what? Because she has been told by the generations before her, to shut up and do whatever it takes to keep the peace, it gets swept under the carpet until the next episode. After all through life experiences we have learned that if nothing is done about it, if no one stands up for what is right, the violence goes around in one big cycle and each time the wheel turns it get worst and worst.

Excuses are made to cover up the unbelieveable stories of what the real truth is. Women, in turn, then tend to lose themselves in the midst of this all and mighty tug of war of becoming the breadwinner or c0-breadwinner and "the good wife". Clarkson talks about a woman from Congo who lives every day in the fight for her life and self worth. Her husband has turned away from her after she had been raped from soldier men, as if to blame her for letting it happen, when in the end of the day he fled, leaving her helpless and did nothing to protect her. Crenshaw, bring attention to women of color, mostly immigrant women, who fall into the intersectionality of politics. The fact that they have two categories in which they fall into that puts them between a rock and a hard place. Immigrant women who are in fear of being deported back to a country in which they fled unless they marry a citizen of the United States of America, making them easy prey for a domestically violent situation. Threats of sending them back if they choose to leave the relationship or reporting any type of abuse. "The evidence required to support a waiver can include, but is not limited to, reports and affidavits from police, medical personnel, psychologists, school officials, and social service agencies. For many immigrant women, limited access to these resources can make it difficult to obtain the evidence needed for a waiver." ( IWS pg. 201) In this complicating gender war we also find cultural differences also that makes it so easy for the perpetrator to get away with such violence. As Asians, it is in their culture to stay with the family no matter what, to be submissive to their husbands and generations and generations of siblings live in the same household. While women have their role and men have theirs. http://www.endabuse.org/userfiles/file/ImmigrantWomen/UnheardVoices.pdf

Allison on the other hand was a different story, where her abuse happened as a child and that as she got older, she became stronger and fought back. "At sixteen, I jumped free and turned to face him. 'You can't break me,' I told him. 'And you're not ever going to touch me again.' It was a story to tell myself, a promise." (Allison, pg. 68)

Sticks and stones may break my bones but you have broken my spirit, my self-esteem, and my self-worth. Domestic Violence does more than bruise and breaks bones. It breaks spirits, self-esteem, and the worth of a woman.

Land of the Free or Misfit Island???

After reading these three articles, I was reminded of the story Rudolf the Rednose Reindeer. Where all of the toys that didn't have the proper parts, or worked the opposite of what they were crafted to do, were all sent to an island called, The Island of Misfit Toys. Until one day Rudolf saved the day and proved to everyone in the North Pole that just because you are different doesn't necessarily mean that you don't belong anywhere. I could definitely relate to all three of these articles because being adopted at a very young age of 18 months, I still to this day have no knowledge of what my identity is nationally, racially, or ethnically. I too have went through life with the question "what are you?". My bestfriend from back home, in Milwaukee, Wi, has never made an issue about it or even questioned what my nationality was. It was not until I turned 18 years old and started to experience life outside of my own small, unidentifiable world, did others begin to realized how differnt I really was from my adoped family and began to really question of what am I. After a while of getting annoid with that question I would answer "HUMAN". Not too many liked that answer because they would then follow with a statement of explaining what they meant, in which I clearly understand what they were meaning.

I have noticed that with all three of the literatures, even though different scenerios, the authors have felt a sense of not belonging. Wondering of where they might fit in. In Martin's article, she mentioned of "the different Laurens, the different versions of who I am, not competing with one another, but all of them calmly resting inside" (Martin, pg.6) . I think that many of us have been in that situation where we might feel like a camelion, fitting in, or changing for different settings and surroundings. Being called, white, so that the other whites would be able to associate with me because they loved my personality. Italian, because I was too dark to be white and too light to be black. Hispanic because of my latino features; others (Mexicans and Latinos) would approach me mumbling "Ablo Espano" automatically assuming that I spoke spanish, and then the "well we can tell she's not white" comments. By the time I was in my early 2o's the comments that were made to my brother (who is also adopted) finally surfaced to a face to face conversation with again the question of "what are you", when I then return with yet another question "does it matter?" Is it not bad enough to be classified by race and gender but to then to be categorized by dissability, and then as the gawkers and gapers continue to glare, deciding in their own minds of what the parents did or who did what wrong for that person to have ended up that way. The main similarity among all three, are that nobody every seems to get it right. What is "it"? It can be a number of things, it can refer to gender, race, ethnicity, religion, or even nationality. Instead the others, who are making there own perceptions, are too busy thinking up silly names to call them, rather than thinking of ways to stop the ignorance. Just because someone doesn't look the same, dress the same, walk the same, doesn't make them an outcast. I believe that is why America is so unique, for the different types of people, and traditions and cultures that we have. If everyone looked the same we would all be stuck in the avatar movie.

What I like about ME!!!!!! not really just 3 things about me

1. First and for most I am a single mom of 4...three girls 18, 16, 10, and one boy 13. I love them all the same however they have individual identities that make them very unique. My oldest daughter is getting ready to graduate high school and has been on the honor roll through out her entire academic experience. My second daughter gets straight A's and love playing sports, volleyball is her favorite, yet she also plays soccer and runs track. My youngest daughter has a love of many. She also is an honor roll student and at times a straight A student (I guess she got a little bit of both sisters). She loves to praise dance for our church and loves playing soccer and basketball. She dreams of being in gymnastics however I believe that her height gives her a much disadvantage. My son, the unique one, has a very strong personality in which I don't like at times but in the future will make him a very successful lawyer since he is very persuasive.


2. I barely have enough time to do anything for myself with going to school full time and keeping a full time job where I work at a shelter for battered women and their children. I enjoy this job and I have a passion for this field; being a survivor of domestic violence myself, I know that there was one time some one there for me and helped me become a smarter and stronger woman.

3. The third random thing about me is that with my plate full I really lead a very boring life at this moment and look forward to life getting a little more exciting after graduation. So for now this is it, life consists of my children, school, work, and sleep whenever possible.